Pastor’s Corner – August 2011

On the doors in and out of our house is a small device that holds a scroll with the words from Deuteronomy 6:4-9.  It is a mezuzah, a reminder in a Jewish home to remind them of the covenant with God made after the Exodus.

“Hear, O Israel:  The Lord is our God, the Lord alone.  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might.  Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart.  Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise.  Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Do we remember to talk about our faith in our home, to our children?  Do we remember the promises of God when we depart and when we return?  Are they ever before us and with us like our hands and our reflection in the mirror?  Probably not.  We tend to talk little about what we truly think is important, favoring instead to discuss popular topics such as sports, weather, and politics.  What do you talk about with your family?

John Adland is the rabbi at Temple Israel in Canton, OH.  He became Marsha’s rabbi and a friend of my family when he was in Lexington, KY.  He does a weekly piece which he sends through Google documents to those who know and respect him.  His “Shabbat Shalom” column sent out on July 15, 2011 inspired this article.  Here is what John said.

“Every Friday morning on NPR at 6:25 AM is a segment called Story Corps.  ‘Story Corps is an independent nonprofit project whose mission is to honor and celebrate the lives of everyday Americans by listening to their stories.’  What you get is a snippet of a conversation or interview between two people.  It could be a husband and wife, siblings, friends, relatives.  This morning a father was telling his daughter about her grandfather.  The details aren’t important though it was very emotional for him to speak about this, but what is important is that he didn’t learn an important detail of his father’s life until late in life.  His father didn’t talk much or share much.

“I thought about this as I listened to something I have counseled often to parents.  ‘Tell your children about your life.  Tell them what you do, where you volunteer, what you like and dislike, what is important and what you are passionate about.’  I met a couple this week, who were talking to me about end of life issues and I said the same thing to them so that when the time comes to prepare a eulogy they will know about their mother or father.  More often than not our children are not present in our lives.  Sure we share vacations with them when they are younger or go to their schools for performances or watch them compete, but do we tell them what meetings we attend in the evening, where we contribute our money, why we vote the way we do, or what is truly important to us?  Our children leave and live their own lives and when they do the conversations aren’t about these things.  It was different when people grew up and lived their lives surrounded by family, but for the most part this doesn’t happen.  Add to this scenario the fact that when the children are able to see, hear, and remember what we are doing when they are at home is when they are teens.  Most teens don’t take a huge interest in the lives of their parents.”

How well do you know your parents?  DO you know what they felt was important?  DO you know why they believed as they did?  I do not have a complete knowledge, but I do have a sense from conversations with them and their actions.  Most of this knowledge I gained when I was in college.  I hope that my children know what I hold important and what I believe.  Maybe if we were more willing to discuss our feelings and beliefs with our families, we would not fear as much to share our hopes and dreams with others.  We might find a strength in sharing more than superficiality with friends, colleagues, and family.  We might even find the strength to follow the words of Deuteronomy and live in closer covenant with God.

Shalom, Darrell

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Pastor’s Corner – July 2011

With the end of the school year, a lot of the attention to bullying has diminished.  While our attention has shifted, the problem has not ended.  Bullying is a type of abuse we associate with school children picking on each other, calling names, ostracizing, and fighting.  The recent attention was garnered when children and young people killed themselves rather than continue to suffer this abuse.

Bullying has been around for a very long time and almost all of us can tell stories of being a victim of bullying or witnessing bullying taking place.  We also pretend that it is limited to school aged people.  Because it has been with us, and because we tell ourselves that you outgrow it, we do very little about bullying that takes place around us all of the time.

This behavior is rooted in the idea that in order to be superior to others, I have to demonstrate that superiority in ways of power and force.  Anyone who is different or at least different from me is therefore less than me and needs to be shown that they must fall into my framework of being, or at least acknowledge my superiority.  As we get older, and as technology has increased the ability to communicate, bullying has grown more sophisticated and sometimes less obvious.

The playground bully can now text and tweet and use the internet to broaden the impact of his/her abuse.  What might once have been limited to a single schoolyard is now available globally in minutes.  This is very serious and destructive.

What kind of actions can we as a church take to begin to alter this bullying?  Be aware of how we talk about other people with whom we disagree.  Do we verbally diminish them and categorize them in ways that seem to lessen their right to hold a different opinion or belief?  Do we listen to and support media practices that insult any who disagree?  Much of what passes for news can give the appearance of bullying and teach children that not only is it acceptable, but also the proper way to deal with those who are outside our framework of normal.  The attitude of hostility and attack that is so prevalent in our political society can lead people to believe that bullying is the way to win success in life.  Be the best bully, the most powerful bully and you will win.

Jesus taught us to see each other as Children of God.  He taught us to avoid passing judgment on the worth of others.  He challenged us to love each other as we should love ourselves.  If you weigh the number of times Jesus verbally condemned someone as opposed to lovingly guided someone, you will see the proportion we should follow.  Those who received the most scathing words from Jesus were those who chose to condemn the behavior of people they were charged with guiding, without an effort to be understanding and treat them with justice and righteousness.

Help teach children to listen and strive to understand why someone might be different from them.  Help them to understand that each child is special and important in their own ways.  A parent with more than one child may at some point be asked, “Which child do you love more?”  We often respond by saying that we love them all the same.  This is not exactly accurate.  We love each child for themselves and since they are each different, we must love them differently.  The child going through the hardest time at that moment needs the greatest amount of love at that moment.  Our love for our children is not a calm pool equally doled out, but rather a tap that flows with the amount of love needed for each child at the moment of their lives.  We need to teach the children to see that loving others does not diminish the love for family and friends.

We must also demonstrate with our own lives the proper way to show respect to other people.  We often say that respect must be earned.  This is true, up to a point.  As each of us is a child of God, we must begin by offering each other that level of respect that we would show God.  We are the visible Image of God in the world, so is everyone else.  Therefore, we should begin our dealings with a basic level of respect for every person.  From there we can offer greater or even lesser respect as it is merited.  Also remember that you too, must begin at that same level when you meet new people.  Do not expect to be granted greater respect than you demonstrate.

Finally, we need to remember that while bullying is an act of force, equal force does not defeat it; neither does greater force.  Jesus defied the bullying of the Roman Empire, even to the point of his crucifixion.  God defeated that bullying in the resurrection.  The one who was called names, beaten, and killed became our source of hope and shalom.

Shalom, Darrell